My (Baby) Story

So my only effort thus far into the competition is to work on my junk food addiction and stress eating. Starting this next week, I'll actually own my body again so things can (hopefully) pick up. I've started therapy and I'm hoping that helps with the junk food/stress eating. Here's the story of how it got so bad:

March of 2010-My seven week old spent 5 days in the hospital with RSV. Due to security and a sick husband, I wasn't allowed to leave the room. BUT, nurses were more than willing to bring me snacks and desserts whenever I wanted. All I wanted was a treadmill, but went for the food instead.

April 2010- Finally went to see a GI doctor regarding issues that had been going on for years. Was diagnosed as having post-infection IBS and was put a SERIOUSLY restrictive diet that consisted mainly of processed sugar, refined and processed flour, and flavorless, boneless chicken breasts. Made an appointment to have colonoscopy and endoscopy done. Stop living in my bathroom for the first time in years. Started living on sugar, literally.

May 2010- Call to confirm my 'oscopy' appt. Find out I'm pregnant(baby #5). Call and cancel said appt. Lose weight and get even sicker.

June to Ocotober 2010-Feel sick as a dog. We start surviving on pizza (not me). Discover I can actually handle some cooked veggies.

October to November 2010-come down with some freak infection that creates nerve pain everywhere. Ribs come dislocated daily, tailbone refuses to stay in place. Can't bend, can't walk, can't sit anymore. Gain about 20 lbs. in two weeks.

November 16, 2010- Go into labor at 30 weeks. Give birth to a very sick little girl on the 17th(babies are a few days shy of 10 months apart). She was septic and had clotting issues. Both were treated, then they discovered a bowel obstruction. She was life flighted to Primary Children's where they performed a surgery to remove between a third and half of her small intestines, and about half of her large intestines, then piece everything back together. This started an 11 week hospital stay that included dilated loops, severe infection, two blood transfusions (one of them SERIOUSLY botched), a second surgery, and reactions to several drugs. Because of how much intestine she lost, she is considered a short gut baby. (yes, that's the actual medical term) The cafeteria actually had yummy, healthy food. However, only packaged junk food could go into the NICU with me, which is where I spent most of my time.

Our baby came home with a feeding tube on January 31st, 2011. Because of her issues, EVERY single thing had to be completely rigid, measured, written down, and tracked. The only food she could handle orally and still digest was my milk until a few weeks ago. As far as her condition goes, she is doing fabulously. The feeding tube is out, she is actually on the growth charts, and we are down to only 3 supplements plus an anti-fungal when the thrush starts taking over.

As far as her development goes, we had another setback this week. Kids on the Move came and did an evaluation this past Friday. It did not got very well. They are wanting us to take her in to be tested for possible nerve damage due to the botched blood transfusion and multiple crashes (she had several episodes when her oxygen level drop into the single digits in the beginning). Her left side is struggling. Her scar is having some complications. And so on...

Needless to say, my stress levels have been through the roof. I've gotten little to no sleep for a long time, and two of our other four children have really struggled with everything that's happened. We have been blessed beyond measure, but reality likes to kick me in the butt every time I think there might be a window of time for myself. Each time I've tried to get exercise in, I've ended up spending the entire day in a rocking chair soothing a screaming baby.

But....there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will no longer be pumping as of Tuesday of this next week. That gives me back 4-6 hours a day. I figure if the kids can survive all that time when I'm pumping, then there's no reason why they can't survive 30 minutes of me exercising. That's logical, right????????? This week will test my theory. I am so tight from the past eight months of no exercise (I ran until the middle of Sept.), that it might take a while just to figure out how to function again. I'm game though. I can't wait to feel like I might have some muscles hiding somewhere again.

That brings me up to the present. I pretty much just shove whatever food is on hand in my mouth if I get a chance to eat. Once kids are in bed, I'm wound so tight from the stress of the day all I can think of is eating. Although I think part of it is that I know I'm stressing about things I can't change, which just frustrates me even more and makes me stressed about being stressed.

Another thing I've learned-when taking a meal to a family in need of one, YOU DON'T HAVE TO INCLUDE A DESSERT!!!!! We were so well taken care of by friends and family for months after Molly's birth. But every person who brought us food brought a dessert. Not that it's wrong, but it completely destroyed my resolve at being good. It's something I'm trying to remember as I take meals to other people now. Once a week, it's great, but have it every night and before long your clothes don't fit.

I may be late in the game to get going, but I'm ready for serious change. I'm ready to own myself again. I'm ready to show my kids how to be healthier again.