Anxiety

This will be quick and full of typos courtesy of my phone. I just want to jot down some ideas I had today abd report on my progress this past week. I did awful on not stress eating, just awful. I can declare a small victory in that I did not succcumb to buying my favorite treat ever....the 20 below shake from coffe creations. I swear that shake is a slice of heaven on earth and has sustained me since christmas. So for all my failures, my restraint in one area was a success. Sleep wise, I'm getting there, and I have started a morning walk tradition with my kids as soonas my hubby leaves for work. So I'm improving with very small baby steps.

Today I've thought a lot about one word-anxiety. My therapist kept asking me how my anxiety was doing and I realized that I have never acknowledged feeling it in my life until the past seven months. Now im in a situation where it can very easily take over my life and I realize that ANXIETY has been the driving force of my eating, not depression. While in high school it was definitely depression, I couldn't quite pinpoint why all I want to do is eat once the kids are in bed every night. Now I can-its ANXIETY. Anxiety over molly, over my oldest, over how I am performing as a mother and wife, over how others see me, etc. I guess it should be an obvious thing, but for me its a huge epiphany.

I've also decided I agree with something else we discussed. When we hit a crisismode, we feel like all bets are off and simply try to survive, thinking it will go back to normal once life calms down. But here's the secret...life doesn't calm down. If were not careful, the fight or flight reaction becomes the norm and makes it impossible to reach our goals. So the trick is leaning to make the normal strong enough to handle the crisis/trama/stress. That's how to conquer the anxiety instead of the other way around.

One thing molly, and those like her in the support group, is really driving home for me is that life is meant to be enjoyed and lived, not just survived. Even during crisis mode, every day and every moment is given to us to thrive. We just need to wake up and realize it and choose to make our actions reflect that mentality.

So that's my goal for the next week-create our new normal to embrace the situation as it is instead of waiting for things to calm down.