Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why Scales Don't Matter

Lately I've totally fallen of the wagon with sugar. It's been bad. I know at the root of it there's something that's bothering me, but I can't figure out what that is and it's driving me crazy! If I were to go off the scale, I still weigh less than I did at the end of the competition. If the numbers really mattered to me, I would feel content knowing I've loss additional weight since then. BUT.....based on how my clothes are fitting I'm heading in the wrong direction. My belly just doesn't want to stay in place anymore I guess.

I despise feeling tired all the time. It's no fun to only want crap food all the time while trying to teach my kids to make better choices. It's got to end. This week I've brought back the gum to see if I can't curb the sugar eating. And I've managed to work out two days in a row already, a big improvement over the last month or so.

Motivation is still not where I want it to be either, but it's getting better. I'm trying to focus on cleaning all my 'hot spots' this week because they're getting out of control messy. Hopefully I'm slowly but surely getting my groove back. Everyone is healthy, and it looks like all my surprise vacations are falling into place (at least for now). Here's to a better today!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

No motivation

It's just not there. Every night I go to bed thinking about how amazingly productive I'm going to be the next day, and it always starts with a great workout. Unfortunately, dreams do not equal reality. I've been eating way too much crap, which just makes me tired all the time. I think I need to start my gum addiction again. Because at the root of the crap eating is just a desire for my jaw to feel like it's working. Can you get cabin fever with no snow on the ground? I think Big Baby and I are way past the stir crazy phase. She now cries every time we turn onto the big road leading back to our house.

One thing that's helping and making things worse at the same time is Molly's health the past few weeks. We had several doctor visits and some x-rays, and A LOT of vomiting, BUT she didn't have to go to the hospital and she didn't end up with rsv!!!! She is definitely still our miracle baby because everything pointed to rsv. Now that we've made it through the super scary first respiratory infection I feel much better about her immune system. Unfortunately, it also makes me want to just end the lockdown and start leaving the house. In talking to the pediatrician, he's really opposed to that idea still. Boo.

In spite of my crappy eating habits and not enough exercise, I am finding motivation to plan lots of trips for the year. I'm currently working on one family surprise, one couple surprise, one grandparent surprise, and two family trips for the year. Oh, and I just found out I get to go to San Francisco with Adam for a week in March!!! As long as I can get the five kiddos taken care of that is. I can't wait to explore while Adam goes to his conference. It will be our second trip alone since kids came into the picture.

Ok, I think I'm going to go running before Molly wakes up from her nap. Hopefully that will kick start my motivation for the get the idea.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Happy New Year...or not

Wow. How has it only been a week and a half since Christmas? My euphoric high left as my oldest got sick Christmas night. Based on how she described things to me, I thought it was a sinus infection. So the next morning I took her to the doctor only to find out she had strep. When I asked about bringing Molly in to get tested (this wasn't our regular pediatrician's office), I was told not to bother because she can't get it until she's closer to 3.

The next morning I took Molly in to get her lungs looked at and to talk to the doctor about the aspirating episodes that had been going on most of the month. When I mentioned Paige, he changed the plan of chest x-rays (to check for pneumonia) and adding a new medication, to testing for strep. When it came back positive, he told me strep was most likely causing all the aspirating episodes and the antibiotics for strep would also treat pneumonia if she developed it from too much aspirating. That meant Molly had been sick for three weeks with no other symptom.

That lead us to take in the rest of the kids just to see who all was sick. Little Man, yup. Fluff n stuffer, yup. Big Baby, no??? We took her in twice because we were convinced she had to be sick, but she is immune to it or something apparently. So four of the five kids had strep, but only one had any kind of symptom. This tells us that we are a family of carriers. Lovely.

I was really nervous about Molly going on antibiotics. There was a big possibility it would wipe out all the progress we've made with her intestines. Fortunately, she didn't react too badly. Yeast started taking over, but hopefully we got it under control without having to go on an antifungal again. Then the real fun started.

Big Baby apparently picked up a little germy friend at the doctor's office, a stomach bug. It went through her, then me, then it hit Molly and Adam. Let's just say a sensitive gag reflex is NOT a benefit when you have the stomach flu. Luckily it was only a 24 hour bug and everyone seems to be over it now.

Which brings us to round 3. After a few days on the antibiotic, Molly's aspirating episodes changed into more of severe choking episodes. Which lead to vomiting mucus. I called the doctor's office again where I was told it's fairly common with kids who have compromised lungs (or gag reflex issues or reflux problems) to not handle mucus. For some reason, she can't really swallow it, so instead she just chokes on it and sends everything back up.

So now we've added zantac and benedryl to her daily routine to try and stop the mucus production. Combined with her other medication and the antibiotic, that puts her at medicine 7 times every day. So naturally she chooses this week to start fighting us on taking it (naughty baby). It does seem to be working though, as she's only had a handful of episodes today and actually slept this morning.

Needless to say, Adam and I are stressed out. He feels like total crap and is starting to sound just like Molly when he coughs. I am afraid to sleep because I'm scared I won't hear her choking to lift her head up in time. And once she does vomit, she's awake for at least a couple of hours. Very not fun at all. I guess we used up our quota of good health over the past year.

One thing I have realized is that my patience for sick kids has really grown. As I rocked with Molly in the middle of the night this past week I haven't felt the normal resentment of losing out on my sleep. All I've felt is gratitude that I have her here to have these moments. I think I'm finally starting to grasp the whole 'parent's love' thing. It truly is a privilege to be the source of comfort when there's nothing else you can do to help. I love the snuggles she's willing to give.

And it's not only Molly. Big Baby is coming down with the same cold and has been pretty stinkin' onery this past week. But when I see her sweet face with the snot pouring down, I'm filled with the overwhelming urge to wrap her in a blanket and snuggle. Lucky for me, she likes that plan most of the time. The rest of the time, the screaming comes out. Instead of it bothering me and making me want to rip my hair out, I just start giggling at her indignation-usually directed at the dog for some reason.

While I'm thankful for the enlightening moments this past week, I'm REALLY hoping this is NOT an indication of what the year will be like.