Perspective

Lots of things have been going on this past week. For me, I discovered that I've lost some more weight! A total surprise and very exciting. I really don't want to lose anymore though. It's nice to be back to the me I remember-just lots of extra 'grandma' skin. haha. The kids have been playing outside almost non-stop lately. I truly love fall in Utah. It's the best.

Molly is being weird today. Lots of random vomit, choking, and burping. I really hope it's not a warning of an infection. On the bright side, she's doing really well with food this past week. AND I think I found a cake recipe she can actually eat!! I picked up the specialty ingredients yesterday and will try to add them to her baby food and see if she has any weird reactions. We'll see if I can figure out the world of coconut oil, coconut flour, and flavored liquid stevia (which costs a crap load of money-the recipe calls for 10 DROPS of it). I'm really hoping it works.

I spoke with Paul yesterday. We talked about goals, and the benefits of writing them down. We also talked about learning to broaden your perspective to actually see the world around you instead of wearing blinders all the time, so to speak. I've found myself doing that lately. Sometimes I get so caught up in the maintenance of Molly and the house,etc. that I don't even notice what the weather is like outside, let alone what's happening beyond our house.

We also spoke about friendships. That is something I have struggled with my entire life. I feel like I'm that socially awkward person that just can't get it right. A few years ago there was an incident that brought all of my insecurities out in full force when someone I thought was a friend came over and proceeded to tell me that she doesn't like me and it's my fault because she's a good person and doesn't feel like this about anyone else so it's obviously me, blah, blah, blah. I cried myself to sleep for a week (of course Adam was out of town that week), and haven't had the courage to get out there since. A lot of that is due to health issues with Sarah and Molly, but still.

When I brought that up, Paul told me about his parents and how there were always a ton of people at his house. When his dad was dying, he told Paul that he was a rich man because he had been blessed to have three true friends in his life. That threw him off, but realized what his dad meant as he thought it through the next few years. I think that might be my hang up. I'm searching for this really deep, amazing friendship, but I want it with everyone. Paul suggested to gain more confidence I needed to start with my immediate family, then branch out to extended family first. Those are the friendships that need the most attention.

I liked that because it's something I've been thinking about with my kids. I want them to have a childhood that they can get laugh at when they're older and reminiscing together. He suggested to find things to celebrate and just do it. That's definitely an area I could do better in, so that's what I'm working on with the older kids this holiday season.

We also discussed depression and things to look for if I find myself struggling the next few months. One thing I never considered as a sign of depression is the overall perspective-do you overly generalize and turn everything into catastrophy, or are your reactions relevant to the specific incident? I'm for sure a more catastrophic person. Hmmm. Makes you think. Obviously, stress the past few years plays a part in it as well, but it helps me to put things in perspective as to whether or not I'm falling into a depression again.

The last bit of perspective this past week was with Adam's car. Apparently, a mouse decided to set up house in his engine, then bit the big one at some point. When we realized it was more than just a dead mouse smell, we couldn't get a place to give us a price(not even an estimate). We started imagining the worst. While waiting to find out the cost of a dead mouse, my sister called and informed me that while opening her trunk door the entire glass top fell on her head and shattered into a million pieces. The cost to repair it is $1400, and the car is worth maybe $400. OUCH. So when Adam called and said his car would be $270, we breathed a huge sigh of relief that it wasn't more.

Gotta love perspective...