All Kinds of Crazy

Alright. I lasted almost a whole week after the competition before I broke down and bought myself a 20 below chocolate shake this morning. That's progress right???? I'm now freezing inside and out, but it was divine. Big Baby thinks so too, as she hijacked half of it.

Today was a follow up appointment with Molly's rehab specialist. While overall things went really well, I still felt sad as we left. She's making some great progress, especially in fine/gross motor skills. However, Dr. Gooch said tortecullis (sp?)is starting to develop. So I REALLY need to step up the massaging and stretching so it doesn't get any worse. She also wants Early Intervention to do a cognitive evaluation as she is seeing some signs of developmental delays. I got a referral for a speech therapist/audiologist she wants me to meet with. Doesn't mean she needs therapy yet, but apparently this therapist specializes in the use of music for brain development. Since Molly LOVES music and always has, she wants us to really utilize music as much as possible in helping her brain overcome the damage.

We also talked a little bit about her physical development. Dr. Gooch was hoping Molly would be crawling now, but she's no where even close yet. Since Molly is much more fond of standing, she said to go with that as she needs the standing practice to help develop her hips and feet properly.

I'm so sad that she's showing signs of developmental delays on top of the physical delays. I'm glad that we are catching it now and being proactive about it though. Combine that with her upcoming birthday and I've been quite the jekyll and hyde emotionally lately. Now it's only six weeks away I'm forcing myself to start making some decisions. We still want to do something for the NICU families at Primary's and possibly Timpanogos. I finally got in touch with the right person so we can move forward there. I'm excited about giving back, but I know that I'll be a sobbing wreck going back there that day.

I'm also torn with how to celebrate. I want Molly to have some kind of food to tear into and eat, but there's just not anything she can handle yet. We thought rice cereal was okay, but nope, that's off the list. Thought she was handling spinach and sweet potatoes, but both of those got taken off the list yesterday due to poo issues and vomiting. I've tried websites and blogs and friend's ideas, but I'm at a total loss. Adam says to just get a thing of spam and use the cookie cutters, and I'm starting to feel like that might be the best option. It just feels so discouraging.

I thought I was moving in a direction away from needing my therapist so much, but now I realize that won't be the case until I get through the holiday season. So many memories and emotions are starting to pop up to the surface from last year. If only there was a way to just turn off parts of your brain for a little while...